Sunday, September 25, 2005

The fight within...

When aims and ambitions
Clash with feelings and emotions
The mind wanders into a world of miseries
Uncured by fitness potions.

When the thinking mind pursues one thing,
& the heart endorses another,
The soul flutters in between & feels:
What would it do rather?

O loves of my life! & passions!
& my ambitions! Gather!
Couldn`t we break all old notions
And get along together?


ps: okie, that wasn't so good, but it was honest, I often feel I should be able to follow my heart, do what I really want to do even when I tread the path to academic success. And man, do these things clash! And so it is that things like learning either the piano or a guitar, getting back to my school friends, spending more time with my new friends, all take a backseat. I wish I could do all that. If someone could teach me how to.

Wishes And Roses

She gave me no roses
I asked for none
But in secret refuges
I hoped for one...

She gave me good wishes
I kept them away
But their goodwill refreshes
Me to this day...

For roses are lovely
But not forever
Roses lose their fragrance

Saturday, September 24, 2005

Once I too was pure and naive...

Sometimes I wonder, how I have come to become all that I once hated. A cynical non-believer in love. One who cannot accept that no matter how much two people are in love, it is a facade both of them are putting up until the time comes to emerge from behind their masks. That we are all selfish people. Of course, there is a reason why I have unknowingly started thinking this way. I have seen it happening all around me.

Once I too was pure and naive,
The world was beautiful all around me
How I wished I could have stayed the same;
I am sure it would be
A lie to myself. Yet I would be
Happier than what I am today,
A cynic who lives day by day.

On lonely days, I sit down and think. Why things didnt work out. Why the idealist in me died. Why I stopped believing. Why it was so much better when I was man enough to cry.

It was so much better when I believed. I really want to believe again. In love. In destiny. And I will, one day, even if there is a fraction of a reason to believe.

Wish I had stayed naive.

Gypsy girl...

Her hair needed brushing...
Her hands needed washing...
Clean but crumpled, her dress needed pressing...
She had me gazing at her on that mysterious evening.
But all she shared
Was a blank stare.
Now she's gone with the evening
But hours later,
Miles apart,
I am still thinking...
Of the gypsy girl who stole my heart.

(Inspired by someone I had met when I was 15.)

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Lather, Rinse, Repeat

Seems like just yesterday when I came here. Trying to act like Mr. Cool, kinda nervous inside, not a clue in the world how things were going to shape up. I was very lucky to find very good friends here. Yet each one of them seemed weird in his or her own way when I met them for the first time. I am not going to go into examples here :)
I fumbled for the first few days, trying to find my way around, took the wrong buses, got down on the wrong streets, said hello to the wrong girls... the list goes on. Except for the last point on that list, I have improved a lot on the others. Things worked out well, thanks largely to early support by friends like Piyush, Monty, Nitin and Abhishek.

I had a good time with my roomies Nimish, Jay and Kausum, neither of whom I can even begin to explain. The weirdest of the lot had befallen my path, and I couldn't have been more thankful about it. Times have changed, and soon we will not live together. I will miss them. The little things. Those that only roomies will understand.
The only fun in trying to be Mr. Cool in your first semester here, is watching your roomies do the same and fail miserably. And being blissfully unaware that you are worse than them ;) I will specially miss my roomie Jay, who has thru his unwitting sarcasm encouraged me many a times. Never before have the words "Aye chal chal kam kar tu apna" said with more meaning and sarcasm! Will miss him.

The reason I remembered all this today is because a new batch of students is here now. And I see the same wide-eyed blokes around campus that I am afraid, I was one of, last year. The same questions. The same excitement. Its like watching a replay in realtime. Hey, don't get me wrong. Everyone goes thru that, gotta go thru that. Its a whole new world, and I remember clearly how that world became my world, as it will be theirs in the days to come. Cant wait for the snowing to begin!

School blues

I thought writing a blog wouldnt be so difficult, but its two weeks into school and I am finding myself short of time. I am sure I should be able to have ten minutes to myself in a day though,
so I am planning to write at least thrice a week from now on. Lets see how well that goes. I am probably not into school mood yet. Boy, do i miss Google days.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

The story so far...

To cut a long story short, everyone seems to be having a blog nowadays, and I was kinda feeling left out. Also, I thought it would be cool to put down my thoughts someplace, something I could reflect upon later. I used to write a diary for several years, so this may not be too unfamiliar for me.

The story so far : I was born in India in 1980, had my schooling and college there, came to the University of Maryland, Baltimore County in August 2004. Its been a little more than a year for me in the US now, and I have just about started enjoying it. I have just returned from a great summer in California, so I am feeling pretty good about myself.

Every life according to me is a book in itself; like most of us, I too have had the struggles, hopes, falls and joys along the long winding way. In a few hours from now, I will be twenty five, and if there is something I have learnt in all this time, it is that I should do my best and the Lord will put everything else into place. The lessons are plenty, and will be best said in these lines from the poem "Waiting" by John Burroughs:

Serene, I fold my hands and wait,
Nor care for wind nor tide nor sea;
I rave no more 'gainst time or fate,
For lo! My own shall come to me.